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Literature Text
fallen im fallen lost in the illusion try to find some sold ground. my heart stray lost in the past and present what really love? Oh how my hearts beyond broken it shatted into million of fragment. How can i over come the past when the present nightmare drag me down the pit of hell, trap in the mind of my depression. does the sun shine are the ocean still blue is true love just this illusion put into our mind? There no prince on a white horse come to save me no knight in shine amor. No love what a world do i live in when my belive in a love could be tater into chaos. Do we just invent love in our mind? Did i build it up or am i just the overlooker? maybe my love has found me. I just havent returned the love for my heart grown bitter by the year of neglact. Im tired of the same old same old give me a love that sower to the stars and back, give me passion outlasing the strongest storm, give me effeaction a warm body to hold when im sad or lonely.desire longing to be with me and no other. Give no empty promise just undying devotion to love me.Want and need me seek no other touch show me that love can be what i dream not the dark nightmare killing the beauty within my soul.
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Comments3
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You have a very strong voice, and I definitely see some potential in you as a writer. There are , however, certain aspects that I would look on improving. First, try to focus on your grammar and spelling before anything else. I know it can be difficult to memorize all of the grammar rules and correct spelling usages, (hell, I pretty much suck at anything spelling and grammar related), but people will normally be turned off by anything not spell-checked. Make sure to keep track of everything underlined in red, green or blue when typing if you haven't already, they can show you what your doing wrong and it really helps.
Second, remember to write in an already established form of poetry if you're aiming for a fixed form (sonnet and haiku to name a couple of familiar ones), as opposed to one large paragraph.
You do have a very strong voice, and looking at your previous works, I can see maybe this is you trying to get your groove back after not writing in a while. I hope this helps you a little in the future!
Second, remember to write in an already established form of poetry if you're aiming for a fixed form (sonnet and haiku to name a couple of familiar ones), as opposed to one large paragraph.
You do have a very strong voice, and looking at your previous works, I can see maybe this is you trying to get your groove back after not writing in a while. I hope this helps you a little in the future!